Let me tell you something right now before we proceed any further: I am not a regular man living in a regular timeline. I am an event.
 
When I arrive, the air adjusts. When I speak, plans form. I am Gern. The “G” stands for Get To It.
 
I specialize in evenings that begin with polite conversation and end with the moon asking questions. I don’t take you out. I introduce you to a higher standard of living. We are talking velvet seating. Strategic lighting. Music that understands its assignment. By the time dinner concludes, you will feel as though your life has been briefly upgraded to a deluxe package.
 
I move with intention. I dance with authority. When my body rocks, it is not for exercise. It is to realign the universe.
 
I do not chase romance. Romance jogs respectfully behind me, hoping to keep up.
 
The morning after, should you earn it, is delicate and triumphant. Breakfast appears not as food, but as proof. Jams you’ve never heard of. Pastries with accents. Coffee that believes in you.
 
Some men make promises. I make memories that interrupt your week.
 
If you are looking for subtlety, I wish you peace. If you are prepared for smoothness on a cellular level, you already know my name.